Author: Barbara Ross Miller

Poet, author, mother, sister, daughter and friend. Passionate about the creative process and the authentic output it generates.

The Responsibility Designation

~ Barbara Ross Miller ~ 1 Comment
kiana-bosman-1052919-unsplashChosen as the One
Mandated Responsible 
Your Crown Overwhelms
In every family, in every friend circle, there’s that one individual designated as the “responsible” one. The expectation is that you will make sound decisions and break the tie with logical choices. You will make sure details are considered and that consequences are articulated. You are reliable, dependable, and will answer the call regardless of time of day, ignoring your current state of mind or state of being. You show up! 
I find myself in this position constantly.
I find myself in this position without asking to be put there or without consenting to this designation. I have in the past, argued that someone else needed to serve in this role because I no longer wanted the accountability that comes with wearing the responsibility badge. My protest stems from the imbalance that exists between those of us always called and those from our inner circles that are never called. Despite the assertion that you have already contributed or that you are not the senior member in the family or group, it goes on deaf ears. So what’s that about?
Leadership, while it can be learned and can manifest through experience, at its core, the values of leadership are innate. It is a quality that reveals itself early on, as though it is made of combustible elements pulsing out of your head for others to witness from afar.  There are some things that you can’t deny! The initiative demonstrated, the directness articulated and the accountability to self, is evidence that can be corroborated even in a precocious child. Own your badge and wear it with pride! You’ve been empowered!
“Empowered” is defined as someone who has been made stronger and more confident, especially in the aspect of controlling their life and claiming their rights. “Give (someone) the authority or power to do something” (source Google). “Leadership” is defined as “the action of leading a group of people or an organization” (source Google). So Empowered Leadership can be interpreted, based solely on the above definitions, as confident leading or leading with authority. But it is so much more, in my opinion.
Empowered leadership is more than confidence. It’s leading with courage. It embodies owning the authority and position, whether bestowed upon you by others or self-proclaimed, and allowing your authentic voice to be heard on the designated platform you lead. This leader owns each opportunity to bring vision to others and to open the lines of communication that may exist. Articulate a mission, clarify and align shared goals, and deliver a strategy to get there.
The empowered leader is familiar with setting boundaries, delegating, and acknowledging when they must say “no”. As difficult as it may be, especially when dealing with family or friends, saying “no” is necessary. It also allows others to step forward in unexpected ways. I’ve learned that you can’t lead if you are inundated with requests and problems to solve. The enormity of some situations can leave the best of leaders immobile, unable to prioritize, and ineffective in their actions. Give yourself permission to prioritize you.
If you are the chosen one, whom everyone goes to first, chances are you’ve rubbed off onto someone close by. Empowered leadership includes modeling behaviors that others want to emulate. Build your bench and share the burden, the responsibility, the accountability and the satisfaction of knowing it will get done.
Thanks for spending time with me…Barbara

This is NOT My Life

~ Barbara Ross Miller ~ 4 Comments
Mourning death in all
This is NOT my life, void of
Abundance and joy

figure behind screen

I first must apologize for the delay and my lapse of responsiveness to your interest to connect and engage with my words.  It has been a tumultuous time of change, loss and grief.  I’ve had to come face to face with the role reversal that happens as parents age, care giving is your primary responsibility, and burial decisions rest with you to execute.
In my state of mourning, I have had days of quiet solitude where paralysis owned my mind, prohibiting any productive action of any kind. It was not where I wanted to reside, yet, it was, and sometimes remains, my hidden existence. Outwardly, life appeared to race ahead, days melting into weeks blending into months of leaves changing then falling into snow and ice melting into puddles of rain rippling in wind so intense you hear its cries.  And the tears have come unexpectedly in these moments of solitude, triggered by the simple scenes on television or familiar notes of music on the radio. I miss her every day.
As I wait for time to heal this fresh wound and to bring the joy and laughter back, I know that I was supposed to be where I am, despite the grayness I am cloaked in. Coming to this realization at only 70% convinced, 80% on a good day, has not brought on encouragement. It has merely kept the inhaling and exhaling continuous and aided in feeding and cleaning as appropriate. I am working on acceptance of the circumstances which currently define who I am and the role I play. But in that acceptance, I have not surrendered to the idea that this is my life, because it is NOT.
I have not ceased wanting more, needing more and deserving more joy and abundance. I fully acknowledge that control is not mine, despite my futile effort to always have control. And that is what perplexes me, stopping me in my thoughts, my actions, and my emotions. Control is a myth that perfectionists, like myself, perpetrate in flagrant fraudulence.  So, I have relinquished control and surrendered to the grief and despair, waiting for the veil of my misery to lift, hoping but very much praying for sunshine, miracles and blessings. Because, this today, as it appears, is NOT my life.
I will wake and turn towards movement, needing it to be forward and with direction and purpose. My sense is that I am close. I am at that edge where leaning over, not in, commits me to a path. Choosing the right direction to lean is difficult in the grayness, so I will wait for the gray to subside and clarity to be more evident and then I will fly.
Others have been here and comprehend the vastness of grief for life lost to death, disappointment and the continuous deferment of dreams and aspirations. You too have put others before self with the notion that you will have your time to enjoy the fruits of all you have labored and sacrificed for.  But a curve derails us more often than we share with the masses and in the gray we can forget we had hopes for more to come.  We can get stuck.
My summarizing thought to leave with you is to embrace the gray and acknowledge that you need it. However, don’t forget that it’s not where you are meant to reside forever.
Please share your comments and thoughts with me and thank you for visiting.
Barbara

Woke Up Blonde: Lessons from a Self-Affirmed Leader

~ Barbara Ross Miller ~ Leave a comment
Woke Up Blonde image
Barbara Ross Miller’s new book.

 

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